I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
