New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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