People in love make me want to vomit
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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