It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
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