there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
