is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
