my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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