Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
