I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
