Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
