she looked like the before picture.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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