our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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