I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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