I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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