A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
