Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
