Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I think people are normalizing furries
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
