I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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