I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
We got so high we made milksteak
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
