My boss' voice literally gives me gas
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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