yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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