4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
