I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
