I just saw a hot homeless man
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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