I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
