He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
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