I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
