haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
