Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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