fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
