Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
