i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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