We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
