Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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