my mouth tastes like poor choices
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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