Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
