Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
