May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
apparently the secret to your success is patron
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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