wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
