everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I am spending my child support on dildos
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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