So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
