If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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