allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize