I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
