turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
We just shotgunned beers for America
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Randomize