Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
