She's JV to your varsity
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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