Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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