Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
what day is it and did you see me today?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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