He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
