dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
