That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize