i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
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