I look better un-naked...
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
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