when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Its about making memories worth repressing
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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