your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize