home. puking in laundry basket.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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