She's JV to your varsity
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
