Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
