I got chris browned last night
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
