david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
