I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
