so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
