I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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