so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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