I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
too bad you live with your parents still
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
