I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
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