The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
