You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
