Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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