He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize