After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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