i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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