A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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