i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
