we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
